My Personal Inspirator* Arrives Again

INSPIRATOR - not inspiration.  The inspiration lies within me.  But often, it appears to lie dormant.  I rarely, if ever, am able to awaken it by myself.  Today, again, I realized my Personal Inspirator  visited - quite unexpectedly - and woke up that sleeping inspiration.  This is the second time my Personal Inspirator has done this.  The first was almost exactly 16 years ago.

Let's begin at the start.  In December of 2005, I was called to a meeting in the Building Efficiency Headquarters for Johnson Controls ("JCI").  It felt like a clan meeting.  The conference room was dark, and several (5?) of my higher-ups were sitting at the long end of the table.  I sat at the other end.  They began a conversation about a very recently announced purchase that JCI had made of York, International.  Even to someone living a quiet life in Milwaukee, I knew of the York name.  It came highly regarded, and I was proud to now be part of a company who would be part of THAT company.  I was already proud to work for JCI.  At the time, JCI also was highly regarded.  And in the 7 years I had worked there, my own regard for the company had grown.  They 'put their money where their mouth was', especially in terms of ethics - it was a value highly held by the management of the company, and was, I felt, a deeply embedded part of the culture of the company, upheld and guarded carefully by many of the employees I worked with.  Since that was probably my #1 personal value - maintaining the highest level of ethical behavior professionally and personally - it felt good to work for a company who also regarded it as a critically important element of success and legacy.

In short order, the purpose of the meeting began to unfold - JCI wanted me to go to York, PA to investigate whether or not the billing function performed in York, PA could be moved to the Shared Services in Milwaukee.  That simple.  Hardly.

I had never done anything of this sort, but felt well equipped to take a stab at this.  I had been a CPA for many years, with a variety of different responsibilities and in different industries.  I had worked at JCI in the same role for my 7 years there - the role was as manager of the Contract Accounting department, which was responsible for the bulling function for JCI.  So, I fully knew the functional aspects, and over the 7 years I had seen and helped implement many initiatives at JCI (my inside joke was that "J.C.I." actually stood not for "Johnson Controls Inc", but really for "Jump, Change, Interface".  The company was in a constant mode of change).

So, off I went to York PA to discover how their billing was done.  Just that simple.  HA

I'm working on a full disclosure of that path.  But this particular blog isn't about all of that.  It is about how I was introduced to My Personal Inspirator. 

Shortly after arriving at the York offices, I began intense meetings with a wide variety of individuals.  Most of them were directly involved with the billing functions in one way or another.  Picking their brains to try to paint a picture, almost every single individual would mention the same name in connection with the York billing work.  It was Vicki Mihm. 

Their comments regarding Vicki spanned a wide variety of focuses.  Some (generally in the IT area) spoke of her brilliance in helping design, develop, build and maintain the application referred to as "CMS"  The application did many things - connected data sent to the factories - provided financial statement info and support, management reporting, and, of significance to me, it provided the full and complete picture of how the operational aspects of the billing functions were done.  I began to look forward with some level of intrigue and intimidation to meeting Vicki.  Clearly, in this male-dominated industry and company, her reputation was well proven, her word was respected and highly regarded, her opinions were well founded, and her reputation spoke for itself.

I finally got to meet Vicki in a one-on-one meeting.  My goal was to learn all I could about some of the deeper intricacies of the CMS system, so I could better understand if or how this tool could be transitioned to Milwaukee.  Vicki was immediately likable - welcoming and accommodating.  Even though we both knew my charge was to move many jobs from York PA to Milwaukee - moving the livelihoods of many of the people Vicki had worked with for 30+ years - she was open and pleasant.  And then she began to expose to me some of the depth of the CMS system.  I was completely and permanently lost.  I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to fully comprehend important aspects of this system.  That would be a huge risk.

As time went on, there were literally thousands of questions and unknowns and complications.  At every turn, when I needed to reach out to Vicki, she was there to provide support.  She tried valiantly to provide comprehension for me, but I knew I would never have the ability or skillset to understand the REAL MEAT of the financial intricacies that made CMS the critically important tool that it was.

Vicki was never undeterred.  She would smile knowingly, and patiently reiterate for me the details I needed to know to answer every question.  I went away with answers, bur rarely with understanding.  I just simple did not have the capacity, or maybe not even the capability. 

Vicki and I very quickly formed a mutual bond, although to this day I cannot adequately define what that bond was composed of.  We liked each other as people, sure.  But it went deeper then that.  We both seemed to understand some of the things that motivated each other - the desire to do every single task to the best of our ability.  The desire to do the RIGHT thing for the company in every encounter - to help drive these companies we poured so much of ourselves into toward success.  At least, the success they wanted.  We both seemed to understand and accept that doing something the right way meant sacrifice - long hours - being away from the people we loved - and none of this would be done to drive our own success.  It was for the success of the companies we worked for and for the satisfaction of knowing that we were trying to make the jobs of our fellow employees better, maybe easier too.

So, unbeknownst to me, Vicki was providing me with someone to lean on.  When I felt hopelessly lost and was sure no answers were available, she was there to encourage and brainstorm with me.  All the while that she provided this support, the thought rarely occurred to me over what was to come of her own job at York.  I was far to overwhelmed with the millions of details I needed to address, as well as to try to gain a complete understanding of the intricacies of a system that had been in place for many years, in an industry I was only vaguely familiar with.  Vicki was truly key in helping me continue to resurface every time I was pushed underwater.

Eventually, the billings were moved to Milwaukee.  Over the next few years, I nearly killed myself attempting to make it successful.  My department grew from the original 20 to 60 in 2 years.  Countless business advocates in the BE HQ became adversaries.  The culture of JCI began to change.  It was no longer preferable to do things in the best interests of the customer and the employees - it became every man for himself.  I was defeated.  I told my manager I could not succeed, and wanted to be removed from my position.  I don't care what else you have me do, but I will no longer do this.

Vicki, in the meantime, had (luckily, for me) taken a different position with the new company.  She was in a position to work on implementing the new service application - NxGen.  A huge and important endeavor, it meant that Vicki was frequently in Milwaukee.  Occasionally, we would bump into each other, and she always greeted me with a hug and a warm smile.  She was one of the few connections to my old role that did not carry with it feelings of inadequacy and failure.

Eventually, Vicki retired from JCI / York.  I was so very happy to see her move on to this stage of her life, but also so sorry to see her leave.  Fortunately, we remained friends on Facebook, and would touch base here and there as new postings arrived to show what each of us were doing.

Then, thankfully, I retired myself.  Truly, I could not WAIT to get out of the company, whose leadership and values I had now grown to dislike and even despise.

I enjoyed my first 2 months of retirement - I knew I would.  My husband I had had many, many plans for our future, and finally we were able to begin to put those into place.  I encouraged myself to develop new, healthy habits - eat well - get more exercise - learn new skills - solidify our plans.  But truthfully, I began to struggle.  I've never been a highly disciplined individual.  So, developing my new, healthy habits began to stumble.  Oh, I would do well here and there - eat a breakfast, at least; don't sleep too late in the mornings; don't stay in PJ's all day; walk the dogs now and then; do some yoga.  But little by little, I felt my strength and desire to rebuild my life dwindle.  It was easier to just drift - do whatever I wanted - eat whatever I wanted (and too much of it as well) - skip the development of new skills - watch too many movies on Netflix.  It wasn't just that it was winter, so it was easy to just sit inside.  It was the inside of ME that was turning into winter - getting dark early, staying grey and cloudy, remaining cold.  I wasn't liking it, mind you.  I just didn't have the PUSH to seriously do something about it.

Then, out of the blue, my Personal Inspirator arrived again.

A package in the mail.  Unexpected.  Addressed to me!  Love getting surprises like that - it makes me feel like a kid on Christmas day again.

It's a card.  And a book.  And a memento.  "From Vicki, with love."  I read the card and the inscription in the book 4 or more times.  I show my husband.  Inside my heart, it makes me cry just to think of the thoughtfulness of her doing this.  To know she was thinking about me - someone who I held in great respect and regard, was thinking about me!  And mentioning how I had impacted HER life!  My dreams that night turned from ones of struggles to ones of adventure.  But there was more.

The next day, pondering whether today should be one of the days I stay in PJ's or not, I sit down and begin to read the book.  It's a good book, and one chapter leads to many.  Inspiring stories of women who do not give up.  After several hours, I put it away and tell the dogs it's time to begin our day.  Before I make it up the stairs to the bedroom, I feel things begin to stir within me.  Unexpected things.  I'm reflecting on the stories in the book.  All of a sudden, I realize these stories have begun to wriggle their way into the pit of my stomach, my soul, my heart.  Things are reawakening inside me that have been sleeping.  I can do this.  I can change my life so each day is filled with the things I want to DO to live my LIFE instead of filling my days with existence and not much more. 

The fire is relit.  I am rejuvenated.  I am ELATED.  I was going to write a thank you note to Vicki today.  But there is much more of a thank you I need to send.  I'm going to go write my blog about this.  I'm going to let Vicki know that her thoughtfulness was like the hand of a friend reaching into the mudpit I had fallen into, and pulling me to the top.  Vicki, you have once AGAIN filled my heart with knowing that I can do this.  You've single handedly given me my life back, in a way that is difficult to describe.  But please know, I will be forever grateful - to you, as well as for having you in my life.  I feel very blessed.  And wish many blessings for you.  God's peace and love to you, my friend.
Always-
Mary

P.S.  I LOVE the handtowel!

*  I was sure I had made up this word - that it was not really a 'legit' word.  After writing this blog, I Googled it.  Here is what I found.  It fits perfectly, because, without this inspirator, life would be impossible! 

From Jules Verne's book "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"  "But I, in encountering great pressures at the bottom of the sea, was obliged to shut my head, like that of a diver in a ball of copper; and it is to this ball of copper that the two pipes, the inspirator and the expirator, open."